It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
