I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
