Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
