Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
