I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
