Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
