Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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