its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
