You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
