i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
