sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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