I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
