I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
