I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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