In America we eat man semen.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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