The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
