Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
