Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We need a shit load of segways right now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
