we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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