So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
