I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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