got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
