I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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