I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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