he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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