True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
