Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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