i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
