Im at strip club and am horny
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We need to get me chipped asap
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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