why didn't you poke me back
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
