I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
