This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
