Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
