just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
