loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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