Banned from zoo.
Again?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
