Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
