Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
