what day is it and did you see me today?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
