and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The uberlube is also flammable
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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