i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
