i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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