I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
