I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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