Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
