Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
