As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The best revenge is premature balding
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
