remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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