awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
