what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
two words...techno handjob
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
