The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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