a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
